Published June 24, 2008
A black shape in the blue ocean
The universal mass
My companion
Many times my size
Speaking
-Through thought
Thought alone-
Fought with no one
Tethered to the tale
And living a story on its back
Beneath waves and under currents
Light and innocent
Without reason
Or metaphor
A rolling natural joy
-Being alive
And breathing-
In pockets
And bubbles
And moments of consciousness.
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
Hey its think again, tired of long posts so ill just do point forms =):
1.) Good use of imagery again, you captured the innocence of the whale.And your comparison between its gentleness and size makes it seem like the gentle giant it really is.
2.)I always enjoy your poems.
3.) favourite lines:
-Being alive
And breathing-
In pockets
And bubbles
And moments of consciousness
9/10 another great poem, hope to read more of you work soon
I love how you described the whale as a "mass", larger than you, but yet your companion. To me, it signifies respect and a trust for those larger than you that you may naturally fear. Very intelligent, please keep writing. Remember, writing never diminishes your skill, only improves it.
Two Thumbs up.
THANK YOU for your suggestions folks. They have been taken on board.
This was a beautiful poem,
but you didn't mention anything about the camera. Maybe you could add 
*click* after every paragraph in your poem.
It's all good.
I have major OCD, so I'm a huge punctuation-Nazi.
'Lo, Dave. ^^
I have to say, I really enjoyed the airy openness of this poem. I'm generally a punctuation-fascist, but every once in a while something sans punctuation strikes my fancy--and this is one of them. The lack of punctuation lends a sort of subtle ambiguity that works well--not only with the subject matter, but also with your Buddhist tendencies. ^~
There are a few places, though, that I think could have been a little more poetic. In the first stanza:
This part bothered me a bit, especially since it's bookended by lines like "the universal mass / my companion" and "fought with no one / tethered to the tale / and living a story on its back." First of all, "many times my size" is sorely lacking in any pleasing poetic conventions. It's just so banal, you know? I think you could safely scrap the entire line, actually; "universal mass" much more effectively conveys the sheer enormity of the whale.
"-Through thought / thought alone-" also seems to be unnecessary. I mean, we all know whales don't actually "speak," regardless of the complexity of their own communications. I think you could scratch these lines, too--though I'm intrigued by the effect created by leaving "speaking" there, as its own line. It would look something like this:
What thinkest thou? ^^
--Alas, I'm on a deadline, so I'll have to come back and finish with the second strophe later. Don't let me forget!
Okay, cool. I like the adjustments you have made on this one.
I thank you.
Punctuation is not my best friend you see...
A black shape in the blue ocean;
The universal mass.
My companion,
Many times my size,
Speaking
Through thought-
Thought alone.
Fought with no one,
Tethered to the tale,
And living a story on its back.
Beneath waves and under currents.
Light and innocent,
Without reason
Or metaphor.
A rolling, natural joy
Being alive
And breathing
In pockets,
And bubbles,
And moments of consciousness.
I corrected some of the punctuation errors above.
I like this, though.
It's pretty good.
The underlined part kind of detract from the poem.
They'd be better taken out or incorporated into another line.